This is why it’s so important after the death of a loved one to have the support you need to get through the detail-oriented and often emotionally draining probate process, which includes tasks such as sorting through a financial history, submitting legal documents to the probate court, contacting creditors and family members, and more. Some people have family or friends to help with these time-consuming tasks, others enlist the help of an estate planning or probate attorney, but one thing is clear: no one should do it alone.

Every family or couple will have a different experience with the probate process, but our firm would like to offer a basic list of universal “to-do” items to remember after the death of a spouse. We hope this will help give our readers a little bit of security during a very emotional and stressful time.

* Obtain multiple copies of the death certificate
* Gather any and all estate planning documents
* Contact an estate planning attorney. Even if you don’t plan to retain an attorney, a brief initial consultation can help you understand the task ahead and prevent you from skipping important steps
* Notify the person named as executor or trustee
* Notify the necessary institutions or agencies (the deceased’s employer, social security administration, insurance company, creditors, post office, etc.)
* Ultimately, you should remove your spouse’s name from all joint accounts or ventures, such as bank accounts, utility companies, credit card accounts, etc., but we recommend holding off on the  co-owned bank accounts until you first consult with an estate planning or elder law attorney.  Sometimes there are disclaimer provisions in your spouse’s trust or will which might be affected.
* Pay final bills
* Cancel accounts, subscriptions, etc.

Depending on your situation and location, there may be many more tasks to be done. Additionally, if you are serving as executor or trustee (as many spouse’s do) there will be a great number of administrative tasks to be performed in addition to the ones on this list. Under these circumstances even the strongest and most capable people can feel overwhelmed. Remember that you don’t have to go through the process alone.

You can save your executor (and your family) time and money later by organizing your important documents and finances right now.  If you’re not sure where to begin, or what information an executor would need to know, we’ve assembled a list of information and documents an executor might need quick and easy access to if anything were to happen to you:

• Instructions and letter to trustee: Contact information for your attorney and trustee(s), instructions on how to begin the process.
• Minor children: Information about your minor children, nearby guardians or relatives, medical and health insurance information.
• Personal Information: Birth and marriage certificates, passports, family, friends and contact people.
• Estate Planning Documents: Trust, wills, any amendments, personal property distribution memorandum.
• Employment/Business Information: Contact information for supervisors; client information if you are a small business owner.
• Real Estate and Tangible Property: Deed to your home, mortgage information, homeowners and fire insurance, vehicle records, artwork and antiques.
• Bank Accounts and Investments: Account numbers and locations, contact information.
• Monthly Expenses and Bills: A copy of one monthly statement for each.
• Information about recent Taxes
• Retirement Accounts/Government Benefits: Account numbers, beneficiary information.
• Life Insurance: Account numbers, beneficiary information, and copy of each policy
• Memorial and Burial/Cremation: Preferences, pre-paid arrangements, phone numbers.
• Memberships/Secured Accounts/Passwords

Once you are organized, keep your information in an accessible place and make your executor aware of the location. This simple act of organization will not only benefit you right now, it will save your family and your executor much time, money and frustration later on.

But avoiding the subject isn’t going to do you or your family any favors.  More family infighting takes place after a death than at any other time.  After all, this is when loved ones are grieving and emotions are high, when the central family figure or peacemaker may no longer be with you, and seemingly unequal inheritance distributions can no longer be explained.

What if there was a way to have “The Discussion” before it was forced upon you?  What if there was a way to make that legacy and estate planning discussion low-pressure and even fun?  That is exactly what husband and wife psychologist team Carolyn Friend and James Weiner have done with their book and accompanying card game, The Legacy Conversation: the missing gem in wealth planning.

A review of the Conversation Starters card game in Forbes gives a more detailed description of the game, including 7 or so sample questions to get the juices flowing; obvious questions such as “What cherished possession might your family fight over?” to the not-so-obvious questions such as “Have you ever found wisdom in a song’s lyrics? Name that tune.” The point of the Conversation Starters is not merely to discuss the family legacy, but to get to know your family members better, enjoy each other, and perhaps even grow closer in the process.

If your family has been putting off the necessary discussion of succession and legacy planning, this might be just the game you need.  Don’t be afraid to tackle the difficult subjects, you might find you enjoy them more than you expect.  And when you’re ready, we’re here to help with the practical details and legal legwork.

In basic terms, incapacity means that you are no longer able to make decisions for yourself. Sometimes it is easy to determine incapacity: the person is in a coma or unconscious and obviously unable to make decisions.  But sometimes it’s more difficult.  What about whether or not a person is able to make rational decisions?  What if someone is suffering from Alzheimer’s, Dementia, or even a severe mental illness… should that person be making important financial decisions?

It is important to include a definition of incapacity in your trust, because this one word carries a lot of weight.  It is when you are incapacitated that your successor trustee will take over, when the agent nominated in your Healthcare Directive will get the authority to make health care decisions for you, and may also be the point in time when your financial Power of Attorney goes into effect.  With so much hanging on a single word, it’s important to know exactly what that word means.

Every standard trust should have a definition of incapacity,  as determined by a court of law pursuant to statutory definitions of incapacity.  This essentially means that you are deemed incapacitated when a court of competent jurisdiction determines that you are unable to legally handle your own affairs.  However, an alternative provision is also often included in trusts and companion legal documents, i.e.  upon a written determination by your treating physician(s) that you can no longer handle your financial affairs competently.  Many trusts require that this determination be made by two (2) phyicians, each providing a separate certification of incapacity.  This requirement is fine if you are really concerned about relying upon only one medical opinion.  However, in practice, we have found that there are often logistical problems in securing the written opinion of two physicians, especially if you are residing in a facility such as a nursing home.  Usually, only one physician makes the rounds there, and securing an evaluation by another phyician is often difficult and impractical.  Hence, we tend to prefer the requirement of only one (1) physcian for most plans that we prepare for seniors. 

There are many reasons why you would want to have an option in your documents that provides an alternative to the court determination of incapacity.  The primary reason is that court proceedings can be lengthy and expensive.  While your agent may be spending days or weeks going through the legal process, your estate may be languishing and your trusee or financial agent may be powerless to take action on your behalf.  Giving a licensed physician the power to determine your incapacity will likely circumvent the expense and lengthy delays often associated with the court process. Further, when we designate a physician, we generally prefer not to require that the decision be made by a specific individual, as that person may not be readily available or may no longer be your treating physician.  Our recommendation:  specify that such a decision may be made by your then current, treating physician if available and, if not, by an examing physician.

Funeral home - This will likely be your first call.  The funeral home you or your loved one has selected will be able to help you with a lot of the immediate details and tasks.  The funeral director will also be able to help you obtain 10-20 copies of the death certificate, something you will need later.

Family and Friends - This probably goes without saying.  Not only will you want to notify family and friends, but they can also help with a lot of the endless tasks and overwhelming details.  Don’t be afraid to delegate.

Veteran’s office (if deceased was a Vet.) - If the deceased was a Veteran you may have to stop benefit payments; you may also be able to get assistance with the funeral or memorial service.

The deceased’s employer - You will need to do this not only to inform the employer of the death, but also regarding termination of health insurance.

Attorney or Tax Professional - You will need to know what to do about probating the deceased’s estate, filing tax returns, dealing with bank accounts, etc.  An attorney or tax professional can help. It is especially important to find out if your loved one had any existing estate documents.

Office of Social Security - If your loved one was receiving benefits you’ll need to stop payments. You will also want to find out if survivors are entitled to any benefits.

Insurance company of the deceased – You will probably need to file a claim.  This is something your attorney or accountant may be able to help with.

Local Newspaper - You may want to publish an obituary or notice of death, as well as information about the funeral or memorial service.

Credit card companies and utilities - Give written notifice of death to each creditor.  However, check with your estate’s attorney before paying any outstanding balances, as your attorney may advise paying them only after furnishing to each creditor the required legal notice and awaiting timely claims.  Generally, you have no obligation to pay these debts from your own funds unless you, too, were a signer on the account(s) or are the surviving spouse with a legal obligation to pay the debt(s).

Bank - Arrange to change any joint accounts or to open an account in your name.  Do not close any accounts right away!

Although this list is a good starting point; a complete list of people to call and things to do will depend on where the deceased lived and the details of their estate. Contact your loved one’s estate planning attorney (or your own) to ensure that nothing is left to chance.

Forbes.com recently published an article entitled How to Protect Your Family From Estate Tax Uncertainty. This article suggests that there are a number of steps you can take right now to protect your heirs and your assets, even if you don’t know what changes lawmakers may enact tomorrow or 2 months from now. Their suggestions include everything from working with your estate planning attorney on contingency plans to account for anomalies such as no estate tax or minimum exemptions, to common sense action items such as taking the time now to track your cost basis for assets (to help your executor and heirs determine the change in value for tax purposes.) The Forbes article also suggests that some people may want to plan to save by giving—taking advantage of the gift tax exemption amounts.  For more on a special technique involving the use of “Disclaimers” in the current estate tax climate, see Attorney Osofsky’s recently published article.

There are always steps you can take to ensure that your estate plan is up to date, our firm can be your compass and your guide; we can help your family prepare for whatever the future may have in store.

If you want to give your trustee a head start (or if you’ve been nominated as a trustee and need a little help yourself) read more about  “9 Do’s and 1 Don’t” of being a trustee. These suggestions will help a potential or new trustee better understand their responsibilities and the scope of the job to come. Advice such as #1, “Do read the trust document”; or #3, “Do keep the best interests of the beneficiaries in mind at all times” may seem obvious now, but it’s not always so clear when you’re beset by insistent and emotional relatives. The more technical tips such as #2, “Do create a checking account for the trust”; and #9, “Do file income tax returns for the trust” are invaluable starter-steps for someone who has never done this before.

But the most important tip to remember is the one don’t: #10, “Don’t fly solo. Get professional advice to make sure you are correctly fulfilling your role.” If you or the people you’ve chosen as your trustee are ever in doubt, please don’t hesitate to call our office for help.

The emotional loss is only part of this confusion, especially if—like most partnerships—you and your spouse ran your household and finances with a division of labor, each partner taking on the responsibilities that they most enjoyed and were most suited to perform… this includes the financial responsibility. The emotional impact of losing a spouse is hard enough, but in today’s complex financial world what do you do if the spouse you’ve lost was the family “Chied Financial Officer” ?

The first and most important step, according to this article from the Chicago Tribune, is organization. Knowing what your bank balance is, what your expenses are, and where important documents are located is absolutely key to getting through the rough patches. The second step—and this one may be the hardest—is taking stock of your new financial situation and adjusting your lifestyle and spending. Losing a portion of your family’s income is a shock, and people often go through the motions of their previous lives because they simply can’t yet face the reality of their loss. In addition, death comes with its own set of expenses which can make a substantial dent in your savings.

If you feel you just don’t have the strength or focus to deal with financial issues immediately following the death of your spouse,  ask someone to help you temporarily. Eventually, when the grieving process has run its course, you will surface again; and when that happens you don’t want to find that the life you knew has been buried under debt.