Adult children of aging parents often find themselves caring not only for mom and dad but also for stepmom, stepdad and sometimes even another stepparent from yet a third (and current) marriage. Dividing time (and often finances) between so many parents with new and special needs can quickly take its toll, as can the family politics that come with adult siblings, half siblings, and step siblings.

With all of this complexity and intermingling family ties, it is more important than ever to have conversations about estate planning and long-term care with parents and siblings before mom and dad (and stepmom and stepdad) get to an age where they need in-home or around the clock nursing care.  A good estate plan can eliminate much potential fighting and confusion by clearly defining who will be making financial decisions and who should be making health care decisions when mom or dad become incapacitated.  A caregiver agreement can provide financial assistance to the one sibling who inevitably ends up shouldering most of the care giving burden.

If you are a part of a blended family don’t wait for time to take its toll; talk to your parents and siblings now about any challenges the future may bring—and how to meet those challenges together.

The entire report, entitled “Caregiving in the U.S., A Focused Look at Those Caring for Someone Aged 50 or Older” is 73 pages long, but you needn’t read the entire thing to get an insider’s peek at the state of caregiving today.  And the report isn’t limited to caring for an aging relative; it includes statistics on those caring for special needs children, as well as family members of any age.

Some of the more interesting statistics listed in the report are:

* 40% of Caregivers are aged 50-64, and 26% are even younger (35–49).

* 63% of those receiving care are over the age of 75.

* 67% of Caregivers are women.

* 76% of Caregivers are Caucasian.

* 89% are caring for a relative (36% of the time it is the caregiver’s mother.)

* Over half of caregivers are employed while caregiving; and…

* Caregivers provide an average of 19 hours of caregiving per week (in addition to their regular employment.)

It is worthwhile to note that according to this study most of these caregivers are unpaid for the care they give, as they are caring for a family member and are doing it voluntarily—but a full 43% said that they felt they did not have a choice to take on the role.

Our office can’t prevent you from one day needing a caregiver (or one day having to serve as a caregiver) but we can help you plan for when that day may come.  Thinking and planning ahead can keep you—and your loved ones—from ending up in a situation where you feel you have no choice.

Depression and burnout does not have to be the plight of all caregivers, especially if you know the symptoms and how to combat them. The good news is that there are many preventative strategies which are readily available… the hard part for caregivers is valuing their own time and mental health enough to take advantage of them.

One of the best ways to avoid caregiver burnout is by making time for yourself periodically. Adult day service centers provide personal care, social activities, therapy and meals during the day while caregivers need to be away at work or even taking a much-needed break.  If you have a parent who can no longer care for themselves during the day, adult day services might be a good solution for everybody involved.

There is a saying that hardships shared are halved, and joys shared are doubled; this is as true of care giving as it is for anything else. Many caregivers are reluctant to ask for help, but sharing the burden could save you from caregiver burnout.  Don’t be afraid to reach out.

Although pre-planning a funeral is essential, pre-paying for a funeral can actually be detrimental.  According to The Funeral Consumers Alliance there are just too many things that can go wrong, “[prepaying for] funerals may not cover every item of service you and your family expect, and there’s often no guarantee the money you pay today will keep up with inflation to pay the cost of the service you’ve picked out.” In addition, “many state laws don’t offer much protection for your prepaid funeral money.” If you change your mind or move out of the area there’s no assurance that you’ll get your money refunded. That being said, although pre-paying may be a no-no, setting aside funds for a funeral—in an account, CDs, or a specially designated insurance policy—is always a good idea. Consider setting aside funds in a Pay-On-Death bank account: the funds would be immediately payable on your death to someone you trust, who then would use them to pay for your funeral expenses. The POD account is sometimes called a “Totten Trust” account.

In just about every will or trust you will find something about the estate “paying the deceased’s final expenses,” otherwise known as funeral and/or memorial costs.  As a small portion of what can sometimes be a very large and intricate document, this “final expense” clause can seem unimportant—but our firm knows better.

Talking about your wishes for “final disposition of your remains” is something that should always be discussed with your estate planning attorney. Whether you choose to pre-plan your funeral or not, having some basic instructions in your will or health care directive for your preferences regarding burial, cremation, organ donation and so on will be a huge help to your loved ones during a difficult and emotional time.

1. The first thing you’ll want to do is call close friends and family. They will share in your grief, and they can also share the responsibility of notifying others.

2. Contact a funeral director. This person can help walk you through the process of planning a memorial, making burial arrangements, and even writing an obituary. This can often be the most overwhelming task, not because it is particularly difficult, but because it has to be done so quickly; sometimes before the reality of death has had a chance to sink in with the survivors.

3. Find out if your loved one had a will. Contact their attorney (if they had one) and make sure you have the original for the probate court. If you aren’t sure how to file the will with the probate court you can contact an attorney, or check the website of the local superior court in the county where the deceased person resided.

4. Order multiple copies of the death certificate. You will need these for the insurance company, as well as for some of the steps below.

5. Collect the mail and contact all utility companies, credit card companies, debt collectors, etc.; call to notify them of the death and stop services.

6. Go through the deceased’s files and paperwork. This can be tedious, time-consuming, and confusing, depending on how organized your loved one was. This is important information you (or the executor or trustee) will need to file final tax returns and pass on to the probate court, so don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult and overwhelming things you may ever have to do. If you are having a particularly hard time with the grieving process don’t be afraid to ask others to help with the more difficult items, or to hand the list over entirely to someone else if you feel unable to cope. This is when your own elder law or estate planning attorney (or the deceased’s attorney, if they had one) can be especially helpful.

Although it sometimes feels as if time should stand still when someone we love passes away, life does go on, for better or worse. But the world is full of caring and knowledgeable people to help you through the process… if you only know where to look.

Estate planning attorneys must assess the competency of every client before they sign any documentation, and most attorneys can confidently make this assessment based on observation, experience, and instinct during the course of interaction; but every once in a while a situation arises that is not so clear, or a family member will express concern about the principal’s ability to understand and sign legal documents.

If you are worried about the competency of your loved one here are a few things to consider:

* Does he have the ability to articulate the reasoning behind a decision?

* Is his state of mind fairly stable, or do his moods and opinions change frequently and without cause?

* Does he appreciate the consequences of any given decision?

* Does he understand when a decision is irreversible?

* Does he recognize the substantive fairness of a transaction?

* Is his current decision-making consistent with his previous lifetime commitments?

In order to determine whether or not a person is competent to sign a will or trust, however, an assessment should be much more focused:

* Does the principal have a clear knowledge of his assets?

* Does he have a full knowledge of the persons to whom the estate is being left?

* Is he able to reasonably formulate and express a plan for the disposition of the estate?

The unfortunate truth about elderly illness is that competency in a person afflicted with the beginnings of Alzheimer’s or dementia can often change from day to day or even hour to hour. If there will be any question at all about the competency of the principal the safest thing to do is to express your concerns to your attorney, and have a mental examination performed by a doctor. Of course the very best way to ensure mental competence is to create your estate plan early, before age or dementia becomes a factor.

These numbers perhaps aren’t so shocking when you consider how the role of animals in our lives has changed over the past few decades. Animals have gone from being mere pets or farm animals to being companions, guides, status symbols, and in most cases beloved members of the family. As such, most pet owners want to provide for them as they would a human member of the family.

Unfortunately, as mentioned in the article, “While we may consider our pets family members, our legal system considers them property. And because estate law prohibits us from leaving property (money, real estate, etc.) to property, we must instead provide for our pets through human intermediaries.” The best way to do this is through a pet trust, in which you can nominate a loving caregiver for your pet, as well as set aside some money to be distributed to the caregiver—either in one lump sum or in smaller distributions throughout the life of your pet.  Click here for an article on Pet Trusts.

A pet trust may be the most reliable way to ensure your pet will be provided for, but it certainly isn’t the only way. Another option is to simply name a caregiver for your pet in your will or trust and then include the caregiver as a recipient of funds in your will. For example: “If my cat Fluffy is alive at my death, I leave $3,000 for her care to Mary Johnson.” If you have more than one person who might serve as caregiver you should consider also naming back-up caregivers in the event that your first choice is unwilling or unable.

Pets provide so much unconditional love and support during our lives, the last thing we want is to leave them without a friend to care for them after our deaths. The next time you review your estate plan or talk to your attorney, be sure you’ve included a provision for your pet.

This statement may come as a shock to those who fall in the soon-to-be-retired category simply because they likely haven’t had to give much thought to post-retirement medical costs yet; but they may be in for a rude awakening when the time comes to rely on Medicare. “Two-thirds of those on Medicare also said they pay the same, or more, for healthcare now than when they were working. They have been unpleasantly surprised by the cost of Medicare Part B premiums, what you pay for doctor and outpatient coverage, with 44% paying more than they had expected.”

Fortunately, our readers can become aware of this need to be more proactive about their own healthcare, and can start planning now. How you should plan will depend greatly on your age, your current rate of saving, and many other factors. But becoming aware is the important first step.

Many of our readers will already know that a blind trust is a vehicle which holds the wealth of a candidate (or a politician serving in office) in an effort to avoid any conflicts of interest. We thought this might be a good opportunity, however, to discuss trusts in general: Which trusts are out there, what are the differences between them, and what purposes do they serve?

Revocable Trust: A revocable trust is one of the most commonly used trusts because it is able to be revoked or changed so long as the grantor (the person who created the trust) is still living. There are many other trusts that fall under the category of “revocable trust”, including a pet trust (which addresses the physical and financial care of your pets), an education trust (which provides for your child’s educational expenses), and many more.

Irrevocable Trust: An irrevocable trust, logically, is one which cannot be revoked or changed after it has been signed. The irrevocability is what makes these trusts useful for tax planning and asset protection. Some types of trusts which fall under the category of “irrevocable trust” include life insurance trusts (which save the beneficiary on the policy from paying exorbitant estate taxes), spendthrift trusts (which reduce the beneficiaries’ estate taxes and protect trust assets from creditors’ claims), and more. It is important to note that any revocable trust becomes irrevocable upon the death of the grantor.

Charitable Trust: A charitable trust is one in which at least one of the beneficiaries is a charity or non-profit. These trusts allow the grantor to claim a portion of their contribution as a charitable deduction under income tax laws. A charitable trust can be either revocable or irrevocable to begin with, but if distributions will be made during the grantor’s lifetime the trust must be irrevocable.

Special Needs Trust: Sometimes also called a “Supplemental Needs Trust”, is a trust created for the benefit of a person receiving government benefits—this usually includes someone with a physical or mental handicap—and its purpose is to allow outside sources to provide the beneficiary with supplemental funds without endangering their right to receive government benefits. A special needs trust can be either revocable or irrevocable, but usually includes a clause instructing that the trust be dissolved if its existence disqualifies the beneficiary for government benefits.

We have only discussed some of the most commonly used trusts here, but there are many, many different kinds of trust which can be valuable for estate planning or asset protection.

A Matter of Money – Nursing care is an expensive prospect, so one of your first considerations when looking for a nursing home will be how much it will cost and how you (or your loved one) will pay for it. Fortunately, it is likely that the entire cost will not have to come out of your personal finances. The Medicare.gov website offers an overview of different strategies to pay for quality nursing care. Your elder law attorney can help you navigate these—and other—options. You may also wish to download our free guide, “Consumer’s Guide To Medi-Cal Planning”. Many middle income persons are often surprised to learn that they may be able to qualify, although often this may require planning and professional guidance from an Elder Law Attorney.

 Check out the following guide published by California Advocates for Nursing Home Reform:  “How to Choose a Nursing Home”.

Evaluate Staff and Policies – Taking the time you need to evaluate the staff and the policies of the homes on your list will quite possibly be the most important part of your decision-making process. This article from the “Our Parents” website provides a comprehensive list of questions to ask yourself, the nursing home staff, the residents, and more before you make your decision.

Visit the Nursing Home: Visit and Talk to Families of Residents.   You can get a real inside feel for the facility in this manner.

Location, Location, Location – Finally, we all know that location is everything, and this is true of nursing homes as well. Issues of location ranging from how close the home is to family and friends, to what kind of view can be seen from the windows can all be of the utmost importance.

 Check out the Guide on the website of California Advocates for nursinNursing Home Reform:

sing a nursing home may well be one of the most difficult decisions you will ever make, so it’s best to go into it prepared. Don’t be afraid to get in touch with the professionals who can help you make the best possible decision for yourself and your loved ones.