A “Graying Trend” In Caregiving
April 28, 2010
What will you be doing when you’re 73? If you think you will have earned the right to have someone take care of you, think again; you may end up serving as a caregiver for someone else. A recent article in the New York Times describes a new trend in caregiving: the elderly are being cared for increasingly by the elderly. According to the article, “Professional caregivers — almost all of them women — are one of the fastest-growing segments of the American work force, and also one of the grayest.”
As odd as it may sound, the arrangement of 55-75 year olds caring for 85-100 year olds often works out beautifully. Older caregivers may not be able to do much heavy lifting, but what they are able to do is connect with their charges. Many older caregivers have already spent months or years caring for their parents or spouse, so they have an understanding of the fear, frustration and stress the families are going through. In addition, because older caregivers often share similar culture and experiences, the relationship can end up turning into a friendship, as with the case of Grace Jackson and Mary-Lou O’Neill:
“Grace Jackson, who is 101, said she never wanted a helper at home and resented Mary-Lou O’Neill, 73, when she arrived four years ago at Ms. Jackson’s daughters’ insistence. But as their relationship has grown, ‘It’s developed into a friendship,’ Ms. Jackson said, adding that friends who had younger aides were often offended by their manners or language.”
The down side to this “graying trend” in caregiving is that most of these elderly women—in spite of how they excel and make the best of their situation—become caregivers because they have to, they can’t afford to retire completely, even at the age of 70 or 75. The time to think about your own future is now. Talk to your advisors about planning for your own retirement; because although you may have everything it takes to be a wonderful caregiver in your senior years, the fact is that you may not want to.
Help For Caregivers: 10 Steps Toward Taking Care of Yourself
April 19, 2010
The number of people serving as caregivers has exploded in recent years, and according to PR Newswire the number of caregivers now tops 65 million people (29% of the population of the US.) This includes people providing care for elderly adults, special needs children, young adults with disabilities, and more. These caregivers are people who offer their time, energy and financial support to ensure that their loved one—parent, child, sibling, grandparent—lives a life of joy and comfort. It is admirable and often selfless work… and it can take its toll on the caregiver.
Many caregivers are working so hard to take care of everyone around them that they forget to take care of themselves. Their health will often suffer, their financial security goes untended, and their own social interactions fall by the wayside. All of this can quickly lead to one thing: Caregiver Burnout.
Although we don’t hear much about it, Caregiver Burnout is a very real phenomenon. Described as similar to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Cargiver Burnout can cause depression, withdrawal from society, self-neglect, erratic behavior, and at its worst—suicidal tendencies.
But there are ways to combat the onset of Caregiver Burnout. HelpGuide.org provides an entire section on how to recognize and prevent Caregiver Burnout, including tips for family caregivers and a list of some of the warning signs of Caregiver burnout. And that’s not all, this article in PR Newswire offers 10 steps caregivers can take to ensure they take care of themselves financially.
If you are the caregiver in your family it is essential that you (and your fellow family members) recognize the difficulty of the work you do. Be aware of your limits, respect them, and don’t be afraid to put yourself first. Caring for yourself isn’t the selfish thing to do; it’s the smart thing to do.
Portrait of A Caregiver: It May Be You!
December 27, 2009
If you are a Caucasian woman, aged 35 or older, possibly married, definitely working at least part-time—then there is a good chance that you are now or will soon be serving as a caregiver for an aging parent or relative; at least, this is according to the new report released by the National Alliance for Caregiving, AARP, and MetLife.
The entire report, entitled “Caregiving in the U.S., A Focused Look at Those Caring for Someone Aged 50 or Older” is 73 pages long, but you needn’t read the entire thing to get an insider’s peek at the state of caregiving today. And the report isn’t limited to caring for an aging relative; it includes statistics on those caring for special needs children, as well as family members of any age.
Some of the more interesting statistics listed in the report are:
- 40% of Caregivers are aged 50-64.
- 63% of those receiving care are over the age of 75.
- 67% of Caregivers are women.
- 76% of Caregivers are Caucasian.
- 89% are caring for a relative (36% of the time it is the caregiver’s mother.)
- Over half of caregivers are employed while caregiving; and…
- Caregivers provide an average of 19 hours of caregiving per week (in addition to their regular employment.)
It is worthwhile to note that according to this study most of these caregivers are unpaid for the care they give, which makes sense if they are caring for a family member and are doing it voluntarily—but a full 43% said that they felt they did not have a choice to take on the role.
Our office can’t prevent you from one day needing a caregiver (or one day having to serve as a caregiver) but we can help you plan for when that day may come. Thinking and planning ahead can keep you—and your loved ones—from ending up in a situation where you feel you have no choice.
Geriatric Care Managers Provide Help for Families and Caregivers
October 14, 2009
Caring for elderly relatives is always a team effort. Sometimes the team consists of the entire family, sometimes the team is a man and wife, and sometimes the team consists solely of the elderly person and their primary caregiver; but no matter how you look at it, elder care is a complex, difficult, and expensive job, and one made 10 times easier if you have a knowledgeable and trustworthy expert on your team.
There are many knowledgeable elder care experts out there: doctors, lawyers, social workers; but few of them can straddle ALL of the elder care issues (medical, legal, residential, financial) to help you look at the big picture. A geriatric care manager is someone who can do just that—look at any given situation from all angles and advise your elder care team on the big picture. This article in the New York Times describes geriatric care managers as assessors, counselors, mediators… and sometimes someone to play “bad cop” in a tough situation.
Of course, because most insurance companies won’t yet pay for the services of a geriatric care manager, hiring one is going to be an extra expense; but it is the business of a GCM to know the ins and outs of the elder care system, and the money they save your family by helping you research experts and options, and avoiding bad situations can more than make up for the expense.
A geriatric care manager cannot replace a doctor or a lawyer on your elder care team, but they can help all of the team players work together effectively toward a common goal: ensuring that your loved one is well taken care of in the best situation possible.
Blended Families Bring Unique Challenges for Caregivers
August 30, 2009
A recent study about how divorce may affect your health has been making the rounds in the news sources lately. This article discusses how the added stress of divorce, family upheaval, and tighter finances can be so detrimental to your health that the effects can last years into the future. Because our firm works frequently to help divorced or remarrying couples update their estate plans to protect their new blended families this article sparked our interest. But what was even more interesting was this recent post by Paula Span about the effects divorce can have 20 or 30 years down the road—not just on the couple but on their grown children now acting as caregivers.
According to Ms. Span, adult children of aging parents often find themselves caring not only for mom and dad but also for stepmom, stepdad and sometimes even another stepparent from yet a third (and current) marriage. Dividing time (and often finances) between so many parents with new and special needs can quickly take its toll, as can the family politics that come with adult siblings, half siblings, and step siblings. “It adds another layer of complexity to an already complex and emotional situation.”
With all of this complexity and intermingling family ties, it is more important than ever to have conversations about estate planning and long-term care with parents and siblings before mom and dad (and stepmom and stepdad) get to an age where they need in home or around the clock nursing care. A good estate plan can eliminate much potential fighting and confusion by clearly defining who will be making financial decisions and who should be making health care decisions when mom or dad become incapacitated. And a caregiver agreement can provide financial assistance to the one sibling who inevitably ends up shouldering most of the care giving burden, and at the same time help to reduce any potential resentment.
If you are a part of a blended family don’t wait for time to take its toll; talk to your parents and siblings now about any challenges the future may bring—and discuss how to meet those challenges together.
A Daytime Solution for Working Caregivers
August 13, 2009
According to a study done by the AARP over 34 million people provide care to ill or disabled adults aged 50 or over, and with the aging baby boomer population (and their aging parents) that number is only likely to grow. This presents a growing problem, because providing care to aging parents or grandparents is an expensive undertaking, and often caregivers are required to cut back on working hours—or sometimes give up careers altogether—to take over the increasing needs of their aging loved one.
Most caregivers think they have only two options: care for their parent at home, or put them into a nursing home. Either one of these choices is not only expensive, but comes with its own set of emotional baggage. But there is another option that few people know of, and even fewer take advantage of: adult day care.
Adult day service centers provide personal care, social activities, therapy and meals during the day while caregivers need to be away at work or even taking a much-needed break. If you have a parent who can no longer care for themselves during the day, but are unwilling to go into a nursing home, adult day services might be a good solution for everybody involved. And if you as caregiver are going to be contributing to the cost, you may be able to receive a tax credit for your contribution.
To find an adult day service center near you, click here.
“Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion”
July 30, 2009
Shakespeare wrote about the seven ages of man, in which he describes the human journey from helpless child to adult and back to helpless child again:
“…Infant, schoolboy, lover, soldier, justice, pantaloon, and second childhood, ‘sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything’”.
Anyone who has had to watch as their parents age knows how true this passage can be. And just as difficult as watching your parents age can be talking to them about it. No parent wants to show weakness in front of their child, or admit that they need help; and often their reluctance to talk is fueled by the fear that they’ll be “put away”, or have their freedom and independence taken from them. Adult children are reluctant to bring up the subject as well—they’re afraid of angering their parent, or sometimes their afraid of having their worst fears confirmed.
But ignoring the subject won’t make it go away, and waiting too long can be disastrous. The best way to talk to your parents about aging is to bring it up early, before fear and obstinance have set in. Having these discussions ahead of time prepares both parent and child for what may lie ahead, insures everybody is on the same page and that there are no surprises in store.
However, even with advance discussions and planning, it is likely that a few uncomfortable subjects will still come up. This article from Reader’s Digest has some advice on how to broach these difficult subjects (including the subject of estate planning), and even provides a few scripts to help get the conversation started. If you’re still uncomfortable, having a third party mediator can be helpful; a trusted doctor—or even your estate planning or elder law attorney—can be a calm voice of reason in deep emotional waters.
New Website May Help Caregivers Breathe a Sigh of Relief
June 12, 2009
If you provide care for an elderly relative or a special needs child you know how much work is involved in just getting away for an afternoon or evening, let alone planning for their care if you were to pass away. First you have to find a caregiver qualified to handle your loved one’s more demanding needs, then there are lists upon lists of “what if” situations, a strict regimen of prescription medicines, and of course all of the little quirks and routines that must be strictly followed. And after all that, just when you feel comfortable leaving your loved one in the care of someone else… your “babysitter” moves away and you have to go through it all again.
What if there was a way that you could not only keep a record of all details, regimens and instructions, but also an easy way to update and communicate that information to any and all caregivers when anything changed? And would it be too much to ask to have this record somehow linked to all the latest research, resources and best-practice recommendations? Apparently it is not too much to ask, because this is exactly what the new online service, CareGiver360®, claims to provide.
CareGiver360® is the brainchild of Ken Ziel, father of a special needs son, who worried about what kind of life his son would have if anything were to happen to Ken. After much research, Ken started CareGiver360®, “an easy to use, interactive Web service that lets you create a secure Personalized Care Guide to help you manage the care of your loved one. CareGiver360® provides a wealth of caregiving resources through its searchable online library. You can draw upon this valuable resource to supplement your personal experience to create a customized, comprehensive care guide.”
CareGiver360® is a fairly new tool, but it sounds so good one has to wonder why nobody came up with the idea before. We would love to provide our clients and readers with helpful reviews, so if you’ve used the service please leave a comment letting us know how it worked for you. And we ought to mention that the service isn’t free, but at just under $10/month it’s probably not going to break the bank either.
Jinies.com